Monday, March 31, 2008

Keeping Your Neighborhood Safe


You never know who your neighbors really are. You watch those TV interviews of neighbors of serial killers say 'gosh... he was so normal.'

You parents should do a Google search of National Sex Offender Registry to see how safe your neighborhood really is. I have a tendency to check mine every week to make sure my street and block are safe. Don't want no pervs in my neck of the woods.

So.. wouldn't ya know it. There's a perv in my neck of the woods. But I think babyluv and I might be safe. You see, he was arrested for getting it on with a picnic table. A frigging picnic table!!!! I can't make this shit up folks!

Ladies and Gentlement, meet 40-year-old Art Price of Bellevue, Ohio. He was arrested for fornicating with his picnic table. The dude was doing sexy times with a damn picnic table! There's nothing sexy about a damn picnic table!!

Art was seen by neighbors on 4 different occasions doing the nasty with his picnic table. One neighbor even videotaped it and turned the tape over to police.

Police think he was getting it on in the umbrella hole in the table.

I had plans on getting one for my backyard so baby and I can have many a picnics in the summer. But hot damn. I will never look at a picnic table the same way again.

Only in Ohio, folks, only in Ohio.
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24 comments:

  1. hazelMarch 31, 2008 at 9:53 AM

    Noooooo. Say it aint so.

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  2. los cazadoresMarch 31, 2008 at 9:55 AM

    OMG! I will never look at a picnic table the same EVER again... you crack me up!

    I'm checking my neighborhood prontisimo...!

    Cindy

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  3. NancyMarch 31, 2008 at 10:46 AM

    I had seen the story...what a creepster!

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  4. StacieMarch 31, 2008 at 12:31 PM

    I can't even think of a response. It's just so dirty! Didn't he get splinters?

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  5. SuzanneMarch 31, 2008 at 4:10 PM

    Ow. Ow. Ow. Splinters. Ow.

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  6. AnonymousMarch 31, 2008 at 4:50 PM

    That would be one painful splinter if the table was wood...this story is just wrong.

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  7. AndreaMarch 31, 2008 at 4:59 PM

    Oh my! I thought all the perverts lived in my neck of the woods.

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  8. DianneMarch 31, 2008 at 5:18 PM

    Nooooooooooooooo... nooooooo he didn't... I won't believe it...

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  9. MBMarch 31, 2008 at 5:36 PM

    bwahahaha!!! Wow. That's really all I can think to say.

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  10. KelliMarch 31, 2008 at 5:54 PM

    Hmmm- I would think there are plenty of pervs here in Indiana that might ummm...belly up to,uh, get it on...with a picnic table. Nasty

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  11. MariaApril 1, 2008 at 3:30 AM

    That even made the news here in TN. How, ummm, odd -- yes, odd! A picnic table - what is the world coming to?

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  12. AmyApril 1, 2008 at 8:55 AM

    Yeah I heard it this morning here in Illinois. Weird news travels fast and far. I think I might have to have my child surgically attached to me just for my own peace of mind.

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  13. RamblingMotherApril 1, 2008 at 11:21 AM

    OMG that was YOUR neighborhood? UGH!! I hope the table got as much enjoyment!!

    Bev

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  14. TinaApril 1, 2008 at 12:16 PM

    hey he is just a perv - y'll should have read about the stupid perv in our neck of the woods that was trying to get it on with his belt sander and got his business caught in the belt.

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  15. JApril 1, 2008 at 1:07 PM

    I hope it was a wooden picnic table. He deserves to get splinters in his whatchamacallit.

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  16. DaniApril 1, 2008 at 4:55 PM

    Gives new meaning to "woody"

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  17. SusanApril 2, 2008 at 5:31 AM

    I used check those sex offender sites regularly. Way cheaper than eHarmony, and the guys are always local.

    (Hey, Dani beat me to the "woody" remark!)

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  18. AnonymousApril 2, 2008 at 6:34 AM

    Uh, is that the way you do things in Ohio? lol...that is creepy. Must of been a fine lookin picnic table.

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  19. JenApril 2, 2008 at 10:33 AM

    ew.
    EW!

    Was the picnic table at least over the age of consent??

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  20. AnonymousApril 2, 2008 at 3:29 PM

    Hot damn dating the picnic table, I bet he dressed it up in one of them hot & fancy red & white checkerboard dresses right before he gave it to the table.

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  21. kerriApril 3, 2008 at 5:19 AM

    OMG, I will be bringing a tablecloth when I visit Ohio..

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  22. Matthew RuleyApril 3, 2008 at 2:58 PM

    Thank you , i needed that today!

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  23. The SoucysApril 6, 2008 at 5:13 PM

    Holy Grody! This was quite a visual...I wonder if he has a thing for red-checked aprons???

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  24. Ranavan April 11, 2008 at 12:59 PM

    Oh ha ha ha ha! I saw this on t.v.

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