I Call Dibs

So I'm thinking if Uzbekistan doesn't work out, I'm going to look elsewhere. It seems that the adoption pool for most other countries is rather crowded and the wait is over a year.

But did ya'll see that a NASA telescope picked up an image of a female form on Mars? (officials are trying to spin it and say it's just a 'rock formation' but whatevs.) I can't imagine that she'll have the support system and means to raise children. I mean, hell, if I were the only female on Mars, I'd be enjoying my freedom, sowing my oats, and flaunting my 'stuff' to all the men on the planet. No time for kiddos for me if I were that female Martian.

So dudes... this is official. I'm calling it. I gots dibs on Mars adoption.

You people go look elsewhere for international/intergalactical adoption options.

Get Out of My Dreams and into My Car

I need your help, ya'll.

My crapola 1999 Jetta VW is at the shop today. It will cost $2000 to get it fixed. That piece of sh*t ain't worth $2. I told them to forget about it. It's not going to pass E-testing and my tags expire in 30 days. So, I need to buy a new car ASAP.

I'm clueless about cars. All I know is I need an SUV so my baby and I will have room and feel safe, gets great gas mileage, and I can drive in the winter without crying. (I'm from LA... so driving in the snow freaks me out.)

So.... if you can give me some suggestions of good SUVs and how to get a great deal, that would be greatly appreciated!

Car salesmen scare me.

And that title, it's from Billy Ocean, in case you have the song stuck in your brain.

Wish I Would Have Thought of This

Maybe I can market some Angelina Jolie lips or some funny ones with a screaming mouth or one after biting into a lemon. Does anyone know how to get me starting on this?

Needless to Say, the Dancing Gig Didn't Work Out

Back to square one in coming up with other adoption fundraising alternatives.
I guess I could just cut out Starbucks and work harder at the office..
but where's the fun in that?!



Many thanks to Suzanne for the picture!

Double Shift, Double Cheeseburger, Double Trouble

I'm whacked, ya'll. Adoption ain't cheap.

There's all this panic in the IA world about blogging fundraising being a huge diplomatic no-no.

Doesn't matter much for me because no one is clicking on the 'enlarge yourself' ads on the right side of this blog.

To keep my budget down, I've been fine dining on Mickey D's dollar menu item - the double cheeseburger.

I'm thinking of taking a second job.. maybe at McD's so I can eat for free. Maybe I'll even take my double cheeseburger stuffed lard ass to the Beaver Hut and start dancing for extra income.

I Still Get My Starbucks and Spa Days

Nothing's too good for my baby. Just as long as someone else buys it. And since I'm not on a sugardaddy's payroll, I have to resort to doing-it-myself.

Let's talk about cribs. Do you realize how expensive those cages are? If you figure that you only use those massive things for two years, it ends up being more expensive than a daily indulgence of a venti Starbucks coffee. And even I think that's too much.

And rocking horses. Those are cool toys and can be entertaining for hours on end. But even at garage sales, those things go for $25 minimum. Something about how it's a retro vintage thingy.

I figured that a crib and rocking horse together is going to run me about $400. That's the same cost as 3 days at an exclusive spa/resort. So.. when weighing the options of what's more important... spa wins.

But that's okay, I found an easy way to construct both the crib and horse. Sooo simple and sooo earth friendly. The rocking horse is going to take me under an hour to make.

Too Old to Die Young

Yep, I'm 40 today.

And to put it in perspective, This day in History: 1984 - Apple introduced the Macintosh. It was the first computer to use point-and-click technology.

Nip It in the Bud *Before* Seeing the Adoption Judge

My friend has a rather peculiar problem. You see, when she's nervous, regardless of the temperature, um.. her headlights tend to shine. And by shine, I mean she can blind people with those suckers. Basically poke an eye out, if you catch my drift.

It has served her well in the US. She seems to 'nervous' her way out of speeding tickets and I doubt she's ever had to buy her own drink. (I, on the other hand, happen to know from vast experience that the cost of beer is $3.50.)

In any case, she's incredibly worried about her adoption court hearing. This really wouldn't be a problem if she were adopting from, say, Siberia in January, and will be dwarved in a parka and five sweaters - but that's not the case. She's adopting from a country where the temps rarely dip below 100 degrees. She's worried that she'll offend the judge; be labeled a hussy; or send a wrong message about her excitement to adopt or excitement to be in court, for that matter.

So she turned to me and asked if I had any suggestions. I told her about Nippits. They are 'concealment' patches. They should make her court day be worry-free!!

((For those who feel that they need the opposite effect and to get noticed, you might want to consider this product.))

As for me, when I'm nervous or find myself in front of a judge, I just pee myself.