I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

Hot diggity dayum ya'll.

My statcounter was registering record number of visitors to my pitiful blog and I found out it was because a handful of you have nominated my blog to Adoptive Families 'Blogs We Love.' Double dayum ya'll!

Ya'll rock!!

Ohhh.. if you have nothing to wear for ocassions like these, may I suggest you bid on some of these timeless vintage dresses from estate sales that I'm selling. I just started it last night (Thursday) and have about 50 more dresses to add and some vintage purses & clutches, vintage fur/wool coats, vintage hats, vintage jewelry boxes, vintage bowling bags, vintage brooches/jewelry, and vintage aprons to add. So if you're in the market for any of those, let me know. I'm trying to 'move inventory' and get these out of my house. Vintage clothing/accessories are a obsession of mine and I need to stop.

Time Out Chair that Actually Works

I always hated time out. You sit in a corner or chair and wait until you're free to go and have allegedly learned your lesson. Let's face it, it doesn't work. I always tested the limits of the 'time out' boundaries. Within two minutes I had already crept out of the chair and would be half way across the room.

I found like cool, albeit creepy, chair. It's called the Trapped Chair and it is designed to keep you locked down until it decides when to let you go. Until then, you’ll just have to given in and relax; resistance is futile.

According to the designer: Being captured by a chair. Embraced by a pressuring softness, until you are released.A chair that opens up and closes. When you get trapped you will have to wait until you are released. The meaning of this project is based on a take of the words intimacy and intimidating. These words have a different meaning but the action can almost be the same. Being stuck is an unpleasant feeling, but being hugged is a very nice one. If you are captured in the chair you will have to give in and relax, the moment you do this it will become a pleasant hug. This hugging also has associations to specific treatments on autistic people to help them control their sensorial input. This technique is called deep pressure and is a form of pressure on the whole body to relax. This technique comes from taming
animals and is also tested on normal people that experienced the same relaxing effect.

I think it sounds kind of cool in a tough love kind of way. I don't have to keep an eye on my bad toddler and the chair is giving her some extra loving.

How the Blue's Clues Became Det. Briscoe from L&O

There are definites in my world.

1. I love fashionable accessories.
2. I can only take so much Barney, Clue's Blues, Care Bears, and other children's animation.

I know that I'm going to have to trade my Saturdays watching Law & Order and CSI marathons for all the Nickelodeon animated marathons. But after 2 hours of the Wiggles and watching Brindi the Croc girl do a rap dance, I'm going to start drinking.

But I found a cool and fashionable way of changing the channels without being the mean mommy. I introduce to you the Orbit Remote bracelet. It's a universal remote. So when baby is watching the Teletubbies prance around the meadows and the scene changes to that of a murder investigation all while I'm sitting in my chair and she's chewing on the remote, I can just proclaim innocence and say that the Teletubbies have gone away for a nap for the day.

(By the way, this is a great device to wear if your man is watching football and you want to watch Dancing with the Stars.)

Casting Call: Does Your Kid Look Like an Imbred?

If ya'll been following my blog, you already know that I plan on 'managing' my daughter's career as a celebrity. I mean, mommy wants to have some playtime in her life for once. Mommy needs that house in Beverly Hills and a boytoy to play with. After all, it's about frigging time.

In any case, I continue to scour the casting call pages and came across something that might be beneficial to you guys. Seriously, I mean this is a good way. I want to share the wealth. I mean this is a chance for us to be neighbors. And your kid can be in a movie with Julianne frigging Moore!!

A new Julianne Moore movie set in West Virginia is looking for kid extras. According to the casting notice: "'Regular-looking' children should not attend this open call." Explains the casting director: "Some of these 'holler' people -- because they are insular and clannish, and they don't leave their area -- there is literally inbreeding, and the people there often have a different kind of look. That's what we're trying to get."

Your kid would be perfect for this!!

Click here for the details.

Good luck!! We'll have to get together and talk about what to wear at the Oscars.

OMG! This is SO Going to Happen to Me Enroute to 'Stan

This is *so* going to happen to me when I go to meet my bundle of joy.

Meet Sarah Williams and Nisreen Swedberg, the dynamic duo who claim that Southwest Airlines discriminated against them because they were too pretty. Here's what went down: Sarah and Nisreen were on a flight from Tampa to Los Angeles. Nisreen says from the get-go they were being ignored by staff because of their youth and beauty. A stewardess would not bring them water! Then Sarah "and another passenger exchanged profanities in an argument over the plane's bathroom". Southwest called for backup when the plane landed in L.A. and the girls were questioned for several hours about the potty problems. Sarah says that the other woman in the altercation was not questioned at all. "I think they were just discriminating against us because we were young, decent looking girls," she whined in a phone interview. "I mean nobody else really on the plane looked like us, except us."

I feel you, Sarah honey, I feel your pain.

I just know when my baby and me fly home, we are going to need to cover up our beauty.

A New Type of Sling/Baby Carrier

If you're like me, you can't be bothered with the mechanics of a sling. I can't figure out how to put those damned things on after they've been twisted and turned inside out. And baby carriers, those 'soft' metal brackets bore into my bones a little too much for my liking.

I like the new jacket that was designed by Aamu Song and Johan Olin. It's called the Bored Jacket. But I like it for its convenience and simplicity. I plan on wearing one and having my bundle of love where one.

The outsides of the jackets are lined with velcro strips. It's so hassle-free. Just toss your baby to your chest, back or side.. and off you go. It takes up no space and we all know that black is slimming.

Adoption Fundraiser. This Sunday. My House. $39.95

Another lame adoption fundraising attempt. I'm ripping off Disney's exploit-a-rama of gullible girls and parents with deep pockets.

On February 24th Orlando's Downtown Disney Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, a high-end spa for kids, will offer Hannah Montana makeovers. For $109.95 you get your picture taken while holding a guitar, wearing a cheap wig and Hannah Montana costumes.

Screw spending the $109 on the spa and the $1000 for a flight and room reservations at Disney. I'm hosting a FUNraiser this Sunday. Moms and daughters can live out their Hollywood fantasies!

Get your ass to the armpit of America (that's slang for 'my town') and for $39.95 I'm offering parents and kids a manicure, a Glamourshot of kids in a wig and costume to look like Hannah Montana. We'll recycle the costume and wig and let mom wear it so she can look like the lovely mother-of-three Ms. Shauna Sand. I'll even provide the lucite platform shoes.

And since we're in the midst of a winter storm, I'm sure plane tickets are 75% off.

Remember, this is for a good cause.

The Dingo Ate Your Baby

Isn't it creepy how things come full circle in less than 2 hours.

I had just finished reading this depressing article written by Australian scientists about undernourishment in the majority of orphanages in developing nations. Most 'Western' infants need about 2 grams of fat daily to grow and maintain their health. So a six month infant will have consumed about 400 grams of fat in its life thus far. Whereas most orphans would have only consumed about 30% of that - a mere 109 grams of fat.

Fast forward two hours.

I'm at the Outback Restaurant with a friend. He decides to order what Men's Health magazine has named the 'Worst Food in America'... the Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing. Mind you, this is just an appetizer. According to the magazine, the lovely dish has 203 grams of fat. That's basically the same as a year old baby, probably from where I'm adopting.

DAMMIT... YOU JUST ATE MY BABY.