Adoption Stress Busters Part Five

Do you ever feel as though you are walking alone in this adoption process? Feel as though you are working on the dossier and all of the sudden a wave of paperwork, bureacracy and redtape is working against you?
You are not alone.
Here's a video interpretation of what's happening to you.




Adoption Stress Busters Part Four
Adoption Stress Busters Part Three
Adoption Stress Busters Part Two
Adoption Stress Busters Part One

Please. Just Don't.

Dear Daughter,
I tolerated your terrible twos and kept my wits together when you went through your teenage rebellious period with a tattoo, navel piercing and rocker haircut. And even today I manage to keep my mouth shut about your ridiculous bleached blonde hair.
But now you've gone too far. You’ve crossed the line that I will not accept. You’re embarrassing me in front of family and friends.
I will not, and I repeat, WILL NOT, stand for you wearing gingham. That’s so 1988. Really, that's the *only* thing bugging me.
Have I not raised you to know better? Keep it classy, girlfriend.

Sincerely yours,
Mom

I'm Not That Kind of Girl, This Isn't That Kind of Blog

I'm always curious who visits my blog. It's usually the same group of people.. fellow PAPs and sometimes someone does a Google search on Uzbekistan adoptions. When they do, my blog appears in the search results. They come and visit, but sadly, never seem to stay. I guess I'm just not giving them the serious, in-depth information they are looking for. Toy animals humping and dolls with wee-wees don't seem to provide any insights into adoptions. Go figure.

And today I come across an interesting tidbit of information. Someone's been coming to my sight via the following Google search:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=uzbekistani+single+woman&spell=1

(emphasis mine)

Damn.

Some bloke is looking for a mail order bride. I don't know what is worst... the actual online search for single women from Uz. or the fact that my adoption blog shows up in the search on the first frigging page.

Excuse me now. I gotta go bathe in bleach.

Tired of Waiting? How Are You Killing Time?

Think you're tired of waiting... the toys are too. Sitting in the room all alone with no one playing with them. Evidently they found ways to kill time.

Is That a Cheeto Leaking Water?

I'm speechless. Totally speechless.

Okay.. not really. But what ever happened to the male dolls of my generation?



Um... do these come in a Jewish model as well?

Oh.. and since you're aiming to be genitally-correct, where are the, um... sacks?

Adoption Agency Presentation Recap

An editor for a local paper asked me to talk about what happens at an adoption agency presentation. So I went to one and took copious, minute-by-minute notes for him and texted them to him as it happened.

3:34: “Ohmigawd. That lady is preggers. What is she doing here? Oh look… what a cute gay couple. Wooooah… nevermind, that dude is a lady.”

3:45: “Did that guy with his wife looking the other way just wink at me?!?!”

3:46: "Does this skirt make me look fat? Do I look like a loser coming here alone?"

3:49: "That lady has a cute handbag. It’s a Coach, I think."

[Uh, what about the presentation? Wasn't it supposed to start at three???? -Ed. ]

3:50: "Okay, adoption."

3:51: "Adorable cute babies."

3:52: "Blah. Blah. Blah. Something about forking over $40k –evidentially this agency knows they are most expensive but allegedly worth it, she says. Video presentation: heart string puller. Note to self: Do not make eye contact with presenter."

3:53: "Whatevs."

3:54: "Those babies look sooo cute!"

3:55: "Little toddlers from Kaz, Ethiopia, Guatemala smiling at the camera."

3:56: "Awww… baby in cute native dress."

3:57: "Ooh, are those chocolate chip cookies on that table?"

[Uh-oh. -Ed.]

3:58: "Oh my god. Those are… and there’s cheese and crackers too!"
3:59: "Yadda. yadda. Something about signing up today because most of these countries are closing soon."
4:00: "Not loving the presenter’s annoying habit of fake crying."
4:01: "That Coach handbag… it’s fake, by the way."
4:09: "Okay, it's over. I gotta get to the cookie table."
4:10: "As I was leaving I took three Diet Cokes with me."

I'm Always a Day Late, An Accessory Short

Damn.

I thought adoption was the 'it' thing nowadays.

Hollywood was embracing and endorsing it with the same passion as the Bee Gees did to tight white pants. Both trends gave you a glimpse of what was inside the person without revealing too much - showing you an outline of private bits without baring it all. Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie, Sharon Stone, Madonna and Meg Ryan were the leading ladies of this movement.

And now I learn that adoption is sooo 2006 and the new 'glamour' is giving birth.

The act of giving birth itself has caught the eye of the fashion industry. According to a press release, a new company called Binsi is manufacturing "posh and precious skirts, tops and robes to labor in"... so that "loyal fashionistas" can feel more like themselves. And the clothes are compatible with medical equipment!

Damn.

I'm always the last to know.

No Shit, Sherlock

Sept. 4 NYT Headlines: Men want hot women, study confirms; Rockers really are more likely to die early - study points to drugs, alcohol abuse as factors in stars' premature deaths

By the year 2010, there will be 53.1 million orphans in Africa and 68.9 million in Asia due to disease, poverty, starvation/dehydration and other ailments. Of the 3 million people who die every year due to waterborne diseases caused by unclean water, 90% are children under the age of 5. I could go on about the dire straits our world is in nowadays but I think you guys are smart enough to get the gist of this.

Yet a bunch of think tanks and scientific groups decided to spend research grants and other monies not to find a cure to these problems but to better understand why rockers die young and the pretty ones have bedmates.

What we need is more science. Sigh.