"Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you."
- Gildna Radner
- Gildna Radner
((Editor's note: I pity my poor daughter.))
Monday, September 17, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Return on Investment
Ohhhh... I may be hurting financially this year but in 14 years, I can earn my money back.
Check out this website: MarryOurDaughter.org.
Check out the testimonials:
"Thank God for your site! Our daughter was really nervous walking down the aisle, but she seems okay now and the money we got let us keep our farm and even add on a few acres."
—Mrs. Addrien L.
"At first we were worried that Janine was too young to get married, but then her new husband bought her a house and a car and jewelry and the money we got let us buy a house for ourselves. Getting out of the trailer park at our age was the best thing that ever happened to us, and it’s all thanks to Marry Our Daughter!"
—Mr. Jack M.
“I was SO scared getting married so young, but my husband is an okay guy and I am SO proud that because of me my parents were able to get their first brand-new car and take the trip they always wanted to. I couldn’t have done it without your site!"
—Katrina K., married at 14
“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"
—Mrs. James P.
((For those who are already freaking out... the website is a joke. Kinda like this blog - although it isn't.. but yeah, kinda is.))
Check out this website: MarryOurDaughter.org.
Check out the testimonials:
"Thank God for your site! Our daughter was really nervous walking down the aisle, but she seems okay now and the money we got let us keep our farm and even add on a few acres."
—Mrs. Addrien L.
"At first we were worried that Janine was too young to get married, but then her new husband bought her a house and a car and jewelry and the money we got let us buy a house for ourselves. Getting out of the trailer park at our age was the best thing that ever happened to us, and it’s all thanks to Marry Our Daughter!"
—Mr. Jack M.
“I was SO scared getting married so young, but my husband is an okay guy and I am SO proud that because of me my parents were able to get their first brand-new car and take the trip they always wanted to. I couldn’t have done it without your site!"
—Katrina K., married at 14
“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"
—Mrs. James P.
((For those who are already freaking out... the website is a joke. Kinda like this blog - although it isn't.. but yeah, kinda is.))
Friday, September 14, 2007
Oh.. My Lazy Ass Is Happy!!
I've been lazy lately. You probably noticed that with all my video postings to interpret my feelings, etc. And now I learned that I can continue to be lazy for the next 16 years.
I dug up this golden nugget from the Disney Corporation from 1946(!) explaining the menstrual cycle. Hot dang! Now I don't have to rack my brain trying to find a delicate way to explain to my daughter why mommy's cranky every month and what's happening to her body.
It even tells her that yes! you can bathe during that time, you can exercise, but in moderation only, and if you are sad, take 'those days' in stride. Also, you can dance with a boy, but "don't get carried away." Translation: Don't have period sex!
Mommy's translation: Don't have sex, period!
Gotta love Walt.
I dug up this golden nugget from the Disney Corporation from 1946(!) explaining the menstrual cycle. Hot dang! Now I don't have to rack my brain trying to find a delicate way to explain to my daughter why mommy's cranky every month and what's happening to her body.
It even tells her that yes! you can bathe during that time, you can exercise, but in moderation only, and if you are sad, take 'those days' in stride. Also, you can dance with a boy, but "don't get carried away." Translation: Don't have period sex!
Mommy's translation: Don't have sex, period!
Gotta love Walt.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
All Together Now... "AWWWWWW"
How can I not post this cute story?!
I'm sure there are a lot of ways to draw parallels between this story and adoption but I'm too lazy to even get off my duff to start down that trail. But from my armchair, I'll just say that it goes to show that all babies just want to be loved. Period.
The 12-week-old macaque was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province, China, after being abandoned by his mother.
Taken to an animal hospital, he was weaned back to physical health but still showed little appetite for life.
It was not until a fellow patient, a white pigeon, took him under her wing and showed him love and affection that he perked up.
Now the two are inseparable, say staff.
They are not the first odd couple. In March, we told how a tiger cub in China was being raised by a sow along with her piglets because his mother didn't know how to feed him.
And in 2005 Mi-Lu the baby deer became best friends with lurcher Geoffrey at the Knowsley Animal Park, in Merseyside, after being rejected by her mother.
I'm sure there are a lot of ways to draw parallels between this story and adoption but I'm too lazy to even get off my duff to start down that trail. But from my armchair, I'll just say that it goes to show that all babies just want to be loved. Period.
The 12-week-old macaque was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province, China, after being abandoned by his mother.
Taken to an animal hospital, he was weaned back to physical health but still showed little appetite for life.
It was not until a fellow patient, a white pigeon, took him under her wing and showed him love and affection that he perked up.
Now the two are inseparable, say staff.
They are not the first odd couple. In March, we told how a tiger cub in China was being raised by a sow along with her piglets because his mother didn't know how to feed him.
And in 2005 Mi-Lu the baby deer became best friends with lurcher Geoffrey at the Knowsley Animal Park, in Merseyside, after being rejected by her mother.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Children of the Damned Part 2
Note to Celebutards: You guys just make it too damned easy for me.
Charlize Theron said the following:
"Getting pregnant doesn’t excite me, but having kids does. I know I’ll be a mother someday. It’s just that...I don’t really want to look like a whale, you know?"
I like to think I'm more of a svelte manatee-shaped momma-to-be.
Charlize, honey... adoption isn't any better on the bod, if you know what I mean. Trust me, the stress will kill you and the only comfort you'll find is in a nice tub of Baskin Robbins chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
Just let it go. Let it go, sugar. You had your day in the sun with your hot bod. It's okay to let bygones be bygones.
Charlize Theron said the following:
"Getting pregnant doesn’t excite me, but having kids does. I know I’ll be a mother someday. It’s just that...I don’t really want to look like a whale, you know?"
I like to think I'm more of a svelte manatee-shaped momma-to-be.
Charlize, honey... adoption isn't any better on the bod, if you know what I mean. Trust me, the stress will kill you and the only comfort you'll find is in a nice tub of Baskin Robbins chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
Just let it go. Let it go, sugar. You had your day in the sun with your hot bod. It's okay to let bygones be bygones.
Children of the Damned
I love celebutards. They give me so much to work with in this blog to kill the days when I'm sitting around waiting to travel to Uzbek.
Closer Magazine reports that Paris Hilton apparently wants to adopt "four blonde girls."
A source said, "Paris has been saying, 'You don't need a husband to have babies. There are babies in orphanages around the world,' and she's hoping to find four girls with blonde hair and pretty eyes."
"She's been telling people, 'I want a brood of little mini versions of me. I'll raise them to be the most famous women in the world.'"
Closer Magazine reports that Paris Hilton apparently wants to adopt "four blonde girls."
A source said, "Paris has been saying, 'You don't need a husband to have babies. There are babies in orphanages around the world,' and she's hoping to find four girls with blonde hair and pretty eyes."
"She's been telling people, 'I want a brood of little mini versions of me. I'll raise them to be the most famous women in the world.'"
Monday, September 10, 2007
Adoption Stress Busters Part Six
Are you still being bothered by the adoption agencies that you contacted earlier in your research process? Don't you wish you had a polite yet firm way of telling them that you really, really are no longer interested in their services?
I wish I had thought of something like this.
Adoption Stress Busters Part Five
Adoption Stress Busters Part Four
Adoption Stress Busters Part Three
Adoption Stress Busters Part Two
Adoption Stress Busters Part One
I wish I had thought of something like this.
Adoption Stress Busters Part Five
Adoption Stress Busters Part Four
Adoption Stress Busters Part Three
Adoption Stress Busters Part Two
Adoption Stress Busters Part One
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