Friday, March 14, 2008

Let's Shake Hands

I remember attending my first international adoption orientation that an agency was having to talk about their services and why they should be the agency of choice.

There's really only two things I remember about it. First, they had a lame snack table. Cookies from the frigging Dollar Tree. Hello... but if you want me to fork over my life savings and my sanity, you better be putting out the Pepperidge Farms cookies.

The other thing I remember was that they tried the scare tactic. They literally did scare the bejeezus out of me. They said that if was imperative to smuggle in a dressmaker's ruler (you know, the soft fabric kind that those little old biddies at Sears wear draped around their necks in the lingerie department to give you a bra fitting measurements). Once you had private time with the child, you were to quickly (when no one was watching), measure the child's head circumference, body length, etc. to email/fax over to the international adoption doctor back in the USA.

When I heard this, I basically choked on my cheap cookie. Oh hell to the no! The only thing I'm smuggling into the babyhouse is a Reese Peanut Butter Cup to hold me over in between meeting kids. What kid doesn't like the smell of lucious peanut butter and chocolate on their potential momma's breath. It's like heaven in a scent.

Anyhoo... it's too much responsibility for me to be worrying about head circumference and other things.

Then I heard about this new product called the Information Ring. According to the website: Handshake operates when people first meet and shake hands, and the rings on their fingers gain the proximity to operate. The rings exchange the users’ information and store it while the users are shaking hands. The more people met, the more information transferred. When the users browse through the people they have met, the card displays the basic information that was stored in the ring. The power source originates from the human body temperature, so no plug is required.

Now, if only they had that for the babies. I know this sounds clinical and untrusting, but it would be so much easier than smuggling in measuring tapes and remembering what to send to the doctors.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Seriously ya'll. You people should be paying me for all the parental advice and recommendations that I give peeps. I better start seeing donations made into my paypal account a-sap because you're going to be thanking me forever for this post.

We all dread diaper changing and potty training. I have a hard enough time not gagging when I have to scoop the kitty litter box. So human poop is going to really test my gag reflex.

Fortunately I have a twisted mind and will get a kick out of the following product. I think it will make diaper changing and potty training rather fun. In fact, I might try it for myself.

It's called Turd Twister. (Stay with me here.. it gets interesting.)

It is a complete kit for shaping your turd into amazing designs. According to the box, it's the Ultimate Gift for the person who has everything, including a "twisted" sense of humor! The kit ships with our 10 most popular Turd Twisters.

In addition, you'll get the Amazing Manual called "How to Twist Your Turds". This booklet is loaded with images explaining the art and science of Turd Twisting.

Most importantly, it's DISHWASHER SAFE!

The shapes that you and baby will enjoy seeing created are: Batman Wings, Birthday Cake, Moon, Planets, Teddybear, Skull, Four-Leaf Clover.. and so much more. Just look at them below.

Mark my words... kids are going to want to be potty trained a.s.a.p.!!!



Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Book 'Em, Danno!

I've been stacking up on great children's books about adoption. I received some as Christmas gifts and I've been scouring library sales for them. You pretty much know what I'm talking about: Happy Adoption Day! McCutcheon, John; How I Was Adopted Cole, Joanna; Mommy Far, Mommy Near: An Adoption Story Peacock, Carol Antoinette; A Mother for Choco Kasza, Keiko; Our Baby from China: an Adoption Story D'Antonio, Nancy; Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born Curtis, Jamie Lee.

I know I'm going to get peppered with questions that deal with adoption and I'm covered. I've got great picture books to read to babylove.

I'm prepared for all questions from birth to adoption! Here's the latest book to join the collection. Be sure to click on the pages on the link and it will turn the page to the next one and you can read the entire book. It's great for all ages.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

They Are SOOO Hired!



Eureka!

I found the production company that is going to make my adoption video!!!

Move over Spielberg! Move over Disney! Fred and Sharon are going to create everlasting memories for me and my bundle of love.

They rock in the graphics and special effects department!! I mean, that Loch Ness Monster in the end totally had me convinced.

You gotta watch and listen to their promo video. It's only 2 minutes long.

They's fo' reals, people!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Her Weight in Rice


Remember those lame sex-ed class homework assignments where you had to 'babysit' a fricking egg or 5-lb. bag of flour for a weekend to see if you were even parent-material?

Well the following product kind of reminds me of it. Although it's not intended for sex-ed classes, it's really intended for grandparents. But I think it's best for those who have a referral but waiting to travel.

You see, sacks of rice can be ordered in the weight of your babylove. Imprinted on the sack is your baby's face. Therefore, ya'll can walk around pretending you are carrying the baby.

Creepy (but not as creepy as those baby dolls). But a very good marketing tool.

Girlfriend please. Don't go pretending that you aren't going to click on this link to order your 15 lb. sack of babylove while you are waiting to meet your referral. I know you wanna. You already got your credit card out.

Don't worry. I'm not judging.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Gifts for the Orphanage

I'm packing my bags and going shopping this weekend for gifts to bring to the orphanage. I already have gifts to bring to the in-country staff.

I'm making sure the toys are for all ages and both sexes. Here's my list:

Assortment of baby toys for the young boys and girls.
Mickey Mouse dolls for the young boys and girls.
Playdoh and Playdoh accessories for the older boys and girls.
Tonka trucks for the young boys.
Dora the Explorer Aquapet for the young girls.


I think I'm going to have to find something different for the girls.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Hold Me Now



Hold me now, warm my heart
stay with me, let loving start.


God, I love the music from the 80s. That was from The Thompson Twins. I miss the music, fashion, and hairstyles from those days.

Okay... on with the point of this post: bonding (not to be confused with bondage)

It's well documented that when you first meet your child, holding him/her is first and foremost - developing a sense of trust and warmth.

Thanks to a special pigment designed by Matsui Shikiso Chemical of Japan, there's a new type of baby/toddler clothing that generates thermochromic patterns when body heat is applied. It lets you know where the baby needs some loving and if you are holding him/her long enough. The patterns will fade when enough heat is applied. And that's the goal.

Oh man, if they made those for adults, mine would be blindingly full of patterns. Tres sad.

On a happier note, they remind me of those Hypercolor t-shirts of the 80s.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Spank Me, Spank the Monkey

Like any mom-to-be, I'm obsessed with learning everything there is to learn about parenting.

And today, I'm learning - thanks to some articles in USA Today and US News & World Report - that spanking is associated with an increased probability of verbally and physically coercing a dating partner to have sex; risky sex such as premarital sex without using a condom; and masochistic sex such as spanking during sex.

Let's think this research through.

Are you sexually deviant? If you're reading this blog, the answer is probably yes. In that case, you were probably spanked.

A new study shows that people who were spanked as children are more likely to engage in "risky sexual behavior...[and] masochistic sex, including sexual arousal by spanking," according to USA Today.

Not that I really see anything wrong with any of that. Sounds kind of fun, if you ask me.

On the flip side, if all this is true... does that mean a non-spanked child will grow up to be a 32 year old virgin that spanks the monkey?

It's all so confusing.

Source: USA Today

US News & World Report