Yes, yes, I know I may have a potty mouth but really, at heart, I'm just a public-potty-phobe. I hate the idea of potty germs floating around me. That's why when I go to public restrooms I never talk, chew gum, or breathe through my mouth. My mouth is clamped shut. I don't want strangers' fecal germs getting inside me. So, as you can see, I have a fear of public bathrooms.
My greatest fear is what to do when I absolutely must go and I have baby with me. How do I put her on my lap while trying to do my business? And more importantly, how do I make sure she doesn't go all Britney Spears on me and walk/crawl around the bathroom floors?! Or even get all Larry Craig on me and try to get into the next stall over.
Well, you all should know me well enough by now to know that I've found the perfect solution! It's these adorable hanging baby swings with door hooks. How cool is that?!
Rest assured I ordered mine already. I still wish I had thought of this, but whatever.
Oh... and speaking of going potty. How cool are these $425 pills that turn your poop gold!!!!! It's a perfect gift for someone who has everything and wouldn't mind parading around his/her gold poop for the world to see. Here's the website for the product if you're so inclined to indulge.
13 comments:
I wish I had this for Glenys still. I use the deep growl mama voice that says, "DONTTOUCHANYTHING!" Sometimes it works and sometimes lots of antibacterial soap is used.
Beverly
The baby swing sounds genious. It never occured to me about the conundrum of what to do with the baby while I'm having my public golden moment! Thanks for sharing!
OH - You are so great for finding this! :) I honestly was just telling my mom the other day that I have to time things so that I don't have to go potty (I love that word) when we're at Target (their bathrooms are nasty) b/c I don't know what I'd do with the kid! She said she used to hold us on her lap, but I'm not even going to attempt that. We'd both end up on the floor.
Wow- another thing for me to think about, going potty with a young child in tow. I can always count on you to provide solutions!
This is another solution to the problem. I had considered using handicap stalls where there's room to keep M in her stroller. Hanging her on the door alongside my purse works just as well, if not better. Ta' for the tip.
I will definitely need a swing like this--I have a bladder fit for a squirrel.
I hate to put a spoiler on your perfect solution, but I will anyway. They (ya, whoever they are) warn you not to hang your purse on the hook on the bathroom door because it is easy for someone to reach over and steal it while you are sitting down pre-occupied. So... how safe is it to hang your baby on the door?!?
I have visions of crazy purse nabbers reaching over and getting way more than they bargained for. Or another image in my mind is some nosy nelly seeing those hooks over the door getting curious and lifting them up and then simply letting go.... down goes baby crashing hard onto the nasty potty floor. Eeeew and ow!
oh and if you are scared of American public restrooms, you better learn to clench tight while you are out of the country. I managed to spend 3wks in Kazakhstan and never use a public bathroom, but my husband did. You know it's scary when a man complains!
Hey, that's cool. Do you let the baby do golden poops in the diaper to sell on Ebay? It would be awesome if they came out shaped like Jesus. You could make a fortune!
Just wear a diaper and then you don't have to use public bathrooms;-)
Yet another solution to another problem that I didn't even think about before!
Hi,
I'm new around here. My peeps keep telling me about you.
And now I know why.
You'll be seeing more of me. Might want to brace yourself.
Great blog.
Sen
OH GIRL. I am totally anti-public-facilties....my kid could be screaming and writhing in the WalMart cart and I will still tell her, very patiently, "Mommy doesn't do WM bathrooms, honey. You'll have to wait until we get through the checkout line. Should only take about 35 minutes since there are only 8 more people in front of us in line and all of the other lines are closed. After that, it's only a 10 minute drive home. You can make it, right? Right?"
Heehee...I'm mom of the year, eh?
Love this!
Min
brilliant!
I share your potty phobe
and it would be impossible to do the leg shaking squat with a child
but I'd be more worried about myself falling down on the seat
ewwwwwwww
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