I Got Married!!

Disclaimer: You know you've sunk to a new low when you need to preface your post with a disclaimer. But... it's not 'me' that's the root of my demise, it's the 'waiting to travel' that's a killer. Oh and by the way, it was Suzanne, all Suzanne, in the last 'skid mark' post. Sheesh.

I can just picture my mom bouncing up and down in her chair when she saw the title of this post. I bet she's just besides herself with jubilation and excitement that I *finally* got married and that there was hope for me after all.

On the other side of the country, my sister is probably leaning back in her chair, sipping her tea, and has a smirk on her face. She's saying 'Ohhh.. this is going to be interesting.'

So here goes.

I did get married.

The waiting period in this adoption has allowed me to become an honest-to-God online ordained minister , I've now gotten married. But there are two teeny, tiny caveats.

((note to self: how can you post this on the holiest week?!!?))

First of all, I'm married to a girl. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I just don't think my state recognizes this. Not to mention my company... so there's no mutual insurance benefits or whatnot.

Secondly, and this might be a bit of a bigger point, she's a bitch. My dog, to be exact. I don't want to even consider what kind of anti-animal husbandry laws there are out there. And I'm pretty sure my state doesn't recognize this type of matrimonial union. In fact, it could be illegal in about 49 states (with the exception of Oklahoma <-- sorry Jocelyn and Rebecca). You see. I'm tired of waiting. I get bored. So I checked out MarryYourPet.com. And whaddaya know.. next thing I know, I'm typing names. It's like getting drunk in Las Vegas and waking up next to a stranger and you're both wearing wedding bands.

So there you have it. I'm married. And probably going to prison on some sort of freakish law.

And I would say to you, what I would say to my soon-to-be-prisonmates: You best leave my bitch alone.