Fatal Attraction

As told by Bill:

I call her psycho bitch. I don’t know when our daily dallies turned into something obsessive and neurotic but I hate it. I hate going over to her house. My stomach starts to churn and I pray to God to make it quick.

It wasn’t always like this. I used to enjoy my daily visits to Melissa’s house. Without sounding too graphic, I would come over, open up her little box and make a white deposit. Sometimes there was a lot, sometimes very little. But she never complained. She said she understood. There were times when I would stay for a few minutes after and chat for a bit. Women like that, I learned. Just stay for a few minutes and talk to them. I made it my rule not to stay more than two minutes. I have to get back to work, you know. Besides, it’s nothing personal. This is work.

Sometimes I would come to Melissa’s house bearing gifts – even expensive gifts. Every now and then Melissa would leave money. Strangely never cash because she wanted a record of who she was paying – always a check but in an envelope that was clearly marked ‘Bill.’

About two weeks ago things took a turn for the worst and Melissa became obsessed. She’d look disheveled and whacked out. She’d start making demands for me to give her more of the (again, sorry to sound so direct) white deposits. There would be times my sack was empty and she’d hiss at me to not come to her house unless my sack was full.

She started talking about travels to exotic countries and then would talk about having children – being a mom. Lately she’s been crying about how she’s three months late. Whatever. I don’t know what she’s babbling about but she needs to stop freaking out around me.

It’s gotten so bad that she’s calling my office! Jeesus lady. Stop it. Just stop it. She’s also calling my biggest client – the government, demanding things.

I can’t not go to her house. She’s like that Glenn Close character on Fatal Attraction taunting me with ‘I won’t be ignooooored, Bill.’

God help me.

As told by Melissa:

Really? He called me psycho bitch?

Dayum. No holiday cookies for the postman this year. I'm just waiting for my passport. It's been 3 months.