God, Boobs and Boys

I remember as a pre-teen, Judy Blume books were the bible for me and my friends. My favorite book was Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. I had forgotten what is was about but knew it mainly dealt with typical things that are life-and-death for any 12-year-old. You know, boys, pimples, boobs and periods.

Here's a synopsis of the book, written by a pre-teen, taken from Amazon:
There are a lot of things people don't tell you, and for the other stuff, they might be lying. Margaret Simon is about to turn twelve years old, and no one has told her how stressful the next year of her life is going to be. It might not have started off so badly if her parents hadn't up and moved to New Jersey, away from her friends, school, and grandmother. Luckily, she meets Nancy Wheeler and two other girls, and they quickly form the PTS's --- Pre-Teen Sensations. Together, they talk about all things female, including boys, bras, periods, pimples, and boobs. In their Boy Books they keep track of which boy they most want to date. Their hilarious chant of "We must, we must increase our bust" is just one of the ways Margaret and friends deal with the pressure of growing up. Margaret was very excited she got her period. When she got it she was excited she got it right before she was going to summer camp she called her mother, showed her mother her underpants and her mother ran to get a box of teenage softies and her mother started to explain how to do it and then Margaret told her mother she has been practicing. She was now becoming a woman.

Anyhow, today I kind of feel like Margaret.

If the book was titled, Are You There God? It's Me, Melissa, this is how the synopsis would read:
There are a lot of things people don't tell you, and for the other stuff, they might be lying. Melissa is about to turn forty years old, and no one has told her how stressful the next year of her life is going to be. It might not have started off so badly if her parents hadn't up dropped her on her head as a baby, but that's another story. Luckily, she reads the blogs of other people adopting internationally, and they quickly form the PAP's --- Prospective Adoptive Parents club. Together, they talk about all things adoption, including, periods (as opposed to commas on various gov't. papers), pimples (the onset of adult acne caused by dossier stress), and boobs (people who fail to understand the urgency in the dossier process). In their Baby Books they keep track of which paperwork was submitted on which date. Their hilarious chant of "We must, we must get to Uzbek or bust" is just one of the ways Melissa and friends deal with the pressure of adopting. Melissa was very excited she got her periodic update and referral. When she got it she was excited she got it right before she was going to Uzbekistan she called her mother, showed her mother some underpants and her mother ran to get a box of diapers and her mother started to explain how 18 months babies still wear diapers, not underpants and then Melissa told her mother she has been practicing folding diapers. She was now becoming a mother.

Yeah, I know. Doesn't really make sense.

But then again neither does about 70% of what goes through my mind.