Stress. About 100% of the adoption journey is stressful. The other 0% is relaxing.
There's the paperchase, the waiting, the choosing, the international 'situation' that causes nerves to come undone. On top of that there's diplomacy-gone-bad, the finances, the ethics or lack thereof, the rude questions, the medical shots, and the dreaded FBI check where you pray that all those things you sorta recall doing in college never got recorded. You still hope that those surveillence tapes from the 1980s are too antiquidated to be of any value nowadays.
There's this lovely gadget called the Stress Eraser that reminds you when to breathe. It's supposed to calm you. According to one blogger: The little biofeedback machine, which is about the size of a BlackBerry, has an infrared fingertip sensor that monitors the way you breathe by translating pulse beats into waves that you can watch roll across the StressEraser's LCD. The machine essentially decodes various nerve signals—it's complicated, but there are stimulating nerves that increase your heart rate and lead to faster breathing patterns, and pacifying nerves that do the opposite. We want the opposite. To get there, you simply slip your finger into the slot and monitor your breathing patterns on the LCD, counting softly as you shed your stress. The waves are supposed to come in gentle arcs; at first mine looked more like a series of daggers. By sounding a little beep when it's time to exhale, the StressEraser teaches you how to calm yourself.
Oh. I should add that it's $300. I ain't got that kind of cash sitting around in my house. But feel free to send me one.
If you don't want to send that, feel free to send me your airline miles. That would really help destress me.
8 comments:
uh, 300 bones to tell me when I should breathe...I'll take it.
if it worked to erase all stress I may pay 300 dollars for it; but I doubt that it works that well and well shelling out 300 dollars on that would add more stress on how to replace the money I just shelled out - thanks though!
Crap! Now I'm stressed that I need $300 smackers just to relieve my stress and I wanted to eat instead. These decisions really stress me out.
I am about to leave in two days time. With the amount of stress I have now I would need one of those things for each finger, thumb and toe I have...I will take a pass....because reading your funny blog is a destressor in and of itself and best yet....you are free!
Hi Tasha,
I've really enjoyed reading your blog. I spent a couple of months working at the U.S. Embassy in Tashkent, and I really have a heart for adoptions. I'm helping my aunt and uncle wade through the process; they're interested in checking out Uzbekistan. They're a little stumped on one thing, though - trying to find a qualified facilitator overseas. Do you have any advice about this? Can you point them in the right direction for trying to locate someone?
I'd love to hear from you:
manning08@gmail.com
Thanks so much,
Brian Manning
Well.. that sounds like the Scientology stress thingy where they can clear you of all of your issues. No offense to my Scientology friends. I read L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics when I was 12. No lie. But I could get that for free. Just join scientology. Oh, right you have to pay to be cleared. Oh, well. I am at a loss I guess. I will forever be stress filled.
I hear Two Buck Chuck works pretty good, too.
I know a little gizmo that relieves stress. Costs MUCH less than $300. V-I-B-R-A-T-O-R (I'm at school, kids can't spell them big words).
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