Hot dang!
Q: How do you know when you have arrived?
A: When you speak your mind and piss people off
Get this... My previous post hit a nerve with some people and I was kicked out of an exclusive Uzbekistan Adoption Yahoo clique.
Here's the Reader's Digest version: There's a Uzbekistan Adoption Yahoo Group (aka the original, public group) and it's moderated by the owner of an adoption agency. Anyhow, some members of the agency started to get paranoid that they couldn't speak freely because they were being told, as they tell it, a different story than when they signed up with them. In other words, they were pissed off at their agency. So they invited a bunch of PAPs to join them in an exclusive Uzbek Adoption Yahoo group. Oh.. it's by invitation only.
I didn't know about this little gang but was receiving some emails that were rather weird. Mind you, I contacted them first offline because they took their blog private and they had dropped out of the original Yahoo group where they had been active. All so odd. I asked them if they were okay and if everyone was doing well. Because I genuinely cared. Anyhow they ended up fishing via email for tidbits about the law changes, what my agency was telling me, etc. because they were majorly pissed off at their agency. And they were saying (as I later learn after reading their posts)'hey, let's drop hints in the original Yahoo group to see if anyone else is being told these things.' Really, it was a bit on the unethical side, if you ask me. If you know something, announce it. It will help those who are in the process of choosing a country.
When I got wind of this (I got invited to the exclusive gang), I sent a harshly worded 'Shame on You' email. Seriously, you don't fish for information.. just ask outright. Don't be sneaky and pretend you're a good and honest person. So out comes the 'oh sorry' .. which is fine.. but they really didn't grasp the concept that they are tooling with people, other Uzbek PAPs who could have benefitted from this information. (As a disclaimer, I was unaware of any one-visit, two-visit mandate and have always been informed that I'm a one-visitor). Whatevs. So I go on posting about 'Good! People are finally talking about the one-visit vs. two-visit changes and sharing what they know as opposed to vaguely asking 'so... what did you hear?' Just speak up people!
I talk about some of the backlash in the previous post. Didn't name names though. But hey, don't mess with the Tash. I'm a firm believer in freedom of speech.
And now... I've been disinvited.
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15 comments:
Tasha,
Your honesty is always appreciated! Sorry that the group couldn't see that they were being devious. Keep keeping us informed about adoption in Uz!
Tasha, I am sorry that you aren't allowed to sit at the cool kids lunch table anymore.
Seriously, you are right to defend yourself against these morons. And I find your blog to be quite humorous! I can't tell you how many times I have cracked up while reading your posts! Keep it up girl!
Screw 'em. It's people like that that prevent others from joining support groups, which is a real shame.
Keep up the great work!
Good for you for speaking up. We went through such a nightmare with our adoption, and for other families it was worse. The agency we used was downright unethical and thanks to a few of us speaking up have now been shut down. As for the rules and regs of each countries adoption laws... darn right people should speak up tell the whole unvarnished truth. If you know something that others might not, it is SO SO important to get that info out there. It could just save a family some serious heartache.
so again... good for you!
Isn't it sad that the petty and stupid are everywhere?? Why all the back stabbing??
Tasha-
What I have learned in this process is that you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Keep doing what you do! You are the only one that has to look at yourself in the morning and you are doing the right thing. Don't worry about them because Karma is a ....well you know!
Well, I hope that this experience will be good for a few pages in your book -- that will make you rich and pay for lots of Gymboree classes with your new baby. That'll show 'em! Not only that, but by keeping things open, you're the one helping.
You tell 'em, Tash! All the hushed cryptic questions only breed paranoia - EXACTLY what us PAPs need more of! I'm with you. If you've got scoop that could spare someone misery, for goodness' sake, share!
See Tash you are well loved, even if it is not by everyone! You had a right to speak your mind, openly and honestly and KEEP IT UP!!!!!
I've been really trying to see this situation from your point of view, and I realized that you may not be aware of the degree of emotional stress the news of this change caused many of us. We have been matched with a little girl for a while, and when we were first told about the changes, it sounded as if it might be impossible to finish the adoption. I was emotionally numb thinking that the child we had grown to think of as our own would never be. I couldn't even form words to communicate about this. This wasn't about keeping others in the dark. It was being unsure of how to share potentially devastating news, especially when there were so many uncertainties. If you are correct to suggest that there is no such 2 trip requirement (although I don't think you are), then to cause people the amount of pain we were caused for no reason would have been unthinkable. I'm glad you are getting a kick out of this, but understand you are causing more pain to people who are just beginning to heal from an already painful situation.
Anon,
Congrats on your referral! You give me too much power. I do not make the laws or set the tone for how many visits. You need to work with your agency on your travels. Your pain stems from uncertainty not from my voice.
Good luck.
I would encourage any of you who support "Tasha" ( if you are so honest, why don't you use your real name ? )to visit the Yahoo Uzbekistan group yourself. Join and read the comments from "Tasha" ( she uses her real name there, but you can figure out which one she is ) and she the stress and pain she has caused others with her comments and lies.
Gotta love how some people are unable to think for themselves!!! I use Tasha Kent because Tashkent is the capital of Uzbekistan. Anyone can go through the blog and see that my name is Melissa. I don't hide behind anonymosity.
Where are the lies??? I will gladly post all my posts from the forum on this blog. I said what I said in my Wizard of Uz post. If it is wrong, then make a comment saying that you know otherwise. It's open discussion. And I love how you have given me the ultimate power to be the voice of all things Uz adoption related.
Since Anonymous has opened the door. Here are my posts from the Uzbek group from the past week:
(this is after being attacked):
Karma,
Thanks for the blog promotion!
What you did on the other private Uzbek Yahoo group was unethical.
You used members of THIS group to fish for information because you
didn't want to come straight out and let people know about the two-
visit situation.
People who come to this board do so because they want to be informed
about Uzbek adopt, share their stories and ask questions - Not to be
used as a tool for another private group. If you check out your post
number 2063, you were fishing. Whereas on the other board you were
lamenting 'why won't anyone talk about the two-visit? I'm going to
drop a note' When you could have just announced it yourself.
And... you just shed light on the situation to everyone by posting
your post.
I never used your name on my blog. I asked you via IM why you deleted
your post #2188 to me because it shows up on the daily digest. You
just outed your own self. Your words were not twisted, I have the IM
chat log.
My blog is my blog. You can read it or not. It's anyone's choice. It
is a humorous blog but it also a personal journey documenting the ups and downs of the adoption process.
This is from Oct. 17:
Most often, the referral process really depends on how many
facilitators your agency has in-country. You have to figure that it
takes about 6-8 weeks non-stop (assuming s/he doesn't have
another 'real' job) for him/her (I'm going to use the masculine term
from now on out) to do all the paperwork from his side. So that's one
family per two months per facilitator. If your agency has two
facilitors, it averages out to a family a month. It also depends on
how many families are ahead of you in the process.
And for the two-visit mandate that agencies are incorporating. If you
don't want to do it, you need to be firm with your agency and tell
them to establish better relations with the Mayors so they can be
informed when he will sign the adoption papers and you can plan your
travel around that time. Agencies that do not take that request into
consideration are not taking their clients' interest to heart. Right
now, the main thing that is determining the 'second-visit' is when
the Mayor signs the papers. Why not avoid that second trip and have
it done a few days after your arrival on the first visit? That can be
achieved if your agency and facilitors have strong relations with the
Mayor and you are informed as to when the papers will be signed.
I talk about all this in my blog, which you are more than welcome to
visit. (Warning... it's not a die-hard adoption blog as it tends to
be on the humorous side). It's uzbekubet.blogspot.com.
This is also from Oct. 17:
Very good! Good thing everyone is talking about all this out in the
open.
I'd love to see a discussion going on referral medical checks. Has
anyone secured an IA doctor to review the medical information? If so,
who and how much? I found a group of IA specialists in Ohio for $250.
It's Rainbow Children's Hospital. They can do it over email as well.
I haven't seen a medical form from a referral in Uzbek yet but from
what I hear in Russia, the forms can be difficult to read. I was told
by a few families that every disease is check-marked in the medical
form (so it would appear as though the child has every disease
imaginable) and once it is proven that s/he doesn't have the disease,
it is crossed off. So there are lots of checks and cross-offs on the
medical form for the infant. Anyhow, Rainbow will look at the
picture, calculate measurements and take into consideration the
country of origin and the institutional situation to help you with
your referral.
Also Oct. 17:
Thanks Lisa!
There's also orphandoctor.com.
That website was brought up in both of my homestudy workshops.
Has anyone heard of the percentage or whatnot of RAD or FAS in
Uzbekistan? I understand that FAS is rather low there due to the fact
that it's a predominantly Muslim country.
And this is Oct. 18:
I recall that Caring Hands assists with Visas as well. The owner,
Colleen, was incredibly sweet and helpful. On top of that,
knowledgeable about the Uzbek adoption process (at least the dossier
bit). She might be able to shed some light on what you need and where
to go and how to apply.
Take care!
So.. where are the lies and hurt?? Geez Anon, get a life and learn how to read.
I don't know how to post a comment as a Goggle/Blogger option but I'm not Anonymous. My name is Jennifer. I am in the group that is mentioned (adoption forum) and I saw nothing that would point the finger at Melissa. She was helpful on the Group with information and suggestions for doctors and Visa applications. It appears as though out of the blue the screenname owner of Karmathecat posted a message that directly attacked her out of the blue.
This was very much like bringing your spouse to the Jerry Springer Show and announcing you're having an affair. Karmathecat should have done this privately through email or on a blog comment.
What alternative did Melissa have but to respond? She was diplomatic but she had been personally attacked by name. I would have done the same but would not have been so diplomatic.
I now realize that Karmathecat was the person referenced in the 'Take it like a man..' post. I had no clue before. Names were never mentioned on this blog and there was NO way I would have had an inkling that the 'forum' in the 'Take it Like a Man..' post was the adoption one. It could have been any of the billion forums online or in the business world.
In Karmathecat's post, she says that she will not post as long as Melissa is a member. That is very childish. Is this how you will parent? If Tommy bullies your child on the playground, you will avoid it until Tommy is gone?
Whoever is Anonymous in the previous post inviting everyone to check out the adoption group, please do it only if you have honest intentions of adopting from the area. Otherwise please don't waste the forum's time or yours. The invitation to join only for the purpose of who says/she says.. that was a wrong and childish thing to do.
Jennifer
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