But My Daughter Will Be Prettier Than Yours

Whatevs. I'm sooo over all this stupid research about the benefits of breastfeeding. I wasn't breastfed but yet I turned out to be a rocking chick with a rock-solid IQ and rock-hard abs. Okay, so I lied about one or two of them. Okay, maybe all three. But that's besides the point.

There's a new nursing top for moms to wear that's supposed to make their baby smart.

This top incorporates the latest research in infant cognitive development by using patterns designed to stimulate babies' vision.

Studies indicate that patterns with high contrast colours, especially black and white, register powerfully on a baby’s retina and send strong visual signals to the brain - the equivalent of a visual workout for the baby. It increases neurological connections in the brain and aids crucial cognitive development.

But that's okay with me. I'm going to wear my black shirts that I accidently bleached and while bonding with my daughter, she'll be getting a Rorschach inkblot test work-out from my shirts.

And furthermore, while breast feeding mommas are supposedly making their babies smarter, just remember that my non-breastfed baby will be better looking.

After all, it's how we look that really matters.

To prove my point, the makers of the smarter-baby shirts designed the shirts to be fashionable and attractive.